Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Phantom Fat

First off - I want to show a picture of my beloved Prince, whom we (my ex and I) had to put down a year ago this past Sunday. He is the brother to my current kitty, Salem, and was also born FIV+. Prince also had congenital joint disease (coxofemoral luxations and patellar luxations, basically his knee caps and right shoulder blade were permanently dislocated).

He was an angel on earth and passed away 2 months shy of his 3rd birthday.
I will forever love this creature.


It was shortly after Prince died that I lost the last 10 pounds that put me at my current weight. I used to be morbidly obese. Literally. My BMI was 30.54 and a 52 pound weight loss has put me at my current 21.03.

I actually wish I had more 'fat' photos - but like any person overweight I avoided cameras like the plague. I do have this classic gem - which was taken on my 23rd birthday - and actually has me in gross sweats WITH food stains on it. Loves it!



Now - I wasn't overweight in high school. I was actually a few pounds heavier than I am now, but very much healthy and active. I put on weight when I turned 21 and started going out often and exercising less and eating horrid fast food. So, I wasn't always fat. I was at my highest weight for about 2 years. It was a very strange sensation. I disappeared. When I was thinner I had the usual cat calls and douches in gas stations hit on me...I didn't think anything of it. Then suddenly (I say suddenly because I truly put on about 40 pounds in a year) it stopped. Totally.

I always felt like it wasn't me....well, it was me...but I was in a 'fat suit'. I didn't realize how big I was. My mentality was still that of someone much smaller.

People always ask me how I lost it - and I think I frustrate them with my answer. I ate less. That's it. Yes I exercise now but even research will tell you that exercising away 300 calories is just as effective as just eating 300 calories less a day. I'm lazy so I just ate less. No more fast food, stayed away from sugars as much as possible and tried to eat colors.
That's it.
The weight took about 2 years to come off totally and it's been all off for a year almost. I don't have a lot of full length picture but this is me just before I moved from my old house


Of course now that I'm thinner I still have the mentality of being fat. Not that I have an eating disorder in the slightest - I eat ridiculously healthy and stay between 12-1400 calories a day. I just feel fat still. I don't see what other people see. I remember the first time someone called me skinny last year...I honestly thought they we're being mean and sarcastic. It's not me. I'm not skinny. I still move more out of the way when people walk by then I should because I don't have 50 pounds wrapped around me anymore. Like phantom limb syndrome - I sometimes swear I still feel my thighs and stomach just as big as they ever were.

It's just not me.

I guess my strange point to this post is just ... be happy. If your overweight, work on it for your own health benefits, but don't hate yourself in the meantime. You'd be surprised how "I'll be so much happier when I'm thin" will quickly be replaced with

"I'll be so much happier when I'm rich...
when I move from here....
when I...."

14 comments:

Casey said...

You look beautiful =) I think you were before too! You don't even look like you were really overweight in that first photo though.

Great work on loosing all that weight though!!

Mia said...

Thats actually exactly what I'm doing, and its working, too! The hardest part, I think, is to not eat while bored. It's really a lot like quitting smoking. You're really REALLY REALLY cranky at first for a while, and especially when you would normally smoke, or in this case, eat. And it's bad. lol. But the trick is, just like smoking, to keep yourself busy. And it helps if you like veggies (which I love) too. A ton of food for very little calories. Anyway congratulations and I can only hope to be as tiny as you some time soon!

EtsyFoodSnob said...

Thanks Casey and Mia :)

Mia - your lucky, you liked veggies to start! I really had hardly tried ANYTHING before I met Joe and I always just though I hated most fruits and veggies but I was proved wrong! Eating while bored is definitely the worst - I think I got around that the first year by just tracking every calorie I ate. If I felt like a big ol plate of Alfredo, I'd eat it...and just factor it in. If I killed 1/2 a bag of chips in front of the computer - oh well, but count it also.

I think being an obsessive calorie counter is what's helped me to maintain the weight. Yea I eat 4 marshmallows a day but I count those lol.

Mia said...

too right! haha, I actually have the amount of calories I have consumed today written down on my hand. (937; might be a little low) And google is SO good for calories counting!! The only thing that has failed me is looking for the nutrition facts of Waffle House! But I guess that's what I get for eating Waffle House in the first place... Lol. :) Good stuff. I do wanna ask though... I see you go to Hopjacks and I've heard about that restaurant a lot lately so I looked it up and OMG it looks amazing. And I wanna go, but I know if I did I won't be able to eat again for like a week lol. It looks sooo delicious though!

Rachael said...

First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my cat, Mr. Destiny, back in 2007 and the hurt never goes away. He was my baby for over 16 years.
Secondly, I am still struggling a bit with weight loss - I had unexpectedly gained 20 lbs when I developed a thyroid issue. Now that I have that under control I need to get my eating habits under control, but it's getting there. I applaud your healthier lifestyle and hope you find happiness every day :)

stranded in a dream said...

sorry to hear about your cat. congratulations on realizing that you were headed down an unhealthy path of eating too much junk food and finding the will to change that. wish i had that constant will power. i say constant because i go through periods of being able to control not eating too much crap to times when my body seems to crave it too much

Kristen said...

WOW, you look amazing!!! That's not easy to do{especially giving up sugar}. Congrats :)

kimar9791 said...

Thanks for posting this. It's really brave to talk about your weight. Congratulations and thanks for letting us who are trying know that it is possible!

Anonymous said...

Love this blog! <3

EtsyFoodSnob said...

Mia - Hopjacks is actually my bf's restaurant :) It's downtown on Palafox and as good as you've been hearing! The hummus is my favorite by far - as is the house salad. If you ever go let me know I live right by it!

Rachael - your comment actually reminded me that I need to get my thyroid checked again. A few years ago (when I had health insurance!) I had it done and I was borderline with being diagnosed as having Hashimotos disease - and was supposed to have checks done yearly. I Should probably get on that! I'm also sorry to hear about your kitty loss - I'm sure both of our babies are frolicking in kitty afterlife right now :)

To everyone else - thank you!!

Athena's Armoury said...

First of all, you look gorgeous. Accept it. ;)
Also, I'm sorry to hear about Prince. When I brought my little guy in from outside, he was diagnosed FIV+, too. {hugs}

little cardmaker said...

Wow! Congrats and I love both your before and after pics. Eat less....taking notes :) I'm sure it's easier said than done, but it's great to read such a success story.

holly e. said...

wow, congrats on the weight loss! you look wonderful. i put on 40lbs with the pregnancy and am struggling so much to lose the weight. it's been 4 months, and i'm at 150- so frustrating.

and sorry about your little prince, hope you're doing ok!

Nicole Bergman said...

That is awesome! Your hard work and discipline paid off. You look fab!